Finding the Root Cause: Stop Trimming the Branches and Start Looking at the Roots 🌳
Let’s talk about something I know gets tossed around quite a bit:
Finding the root cause.
Yep.
I said it.
How’s that working for everyone?
I’ll wait.
😂
Okay, I know that sounded a little snarky.
But I promise you — my intention is loving.
Because I actually think understanding the root cause of our behaviors can be incredibly powerful.
But first, let me give you a visual.
Picture a Tree 🌳
Imagine a big, beautiful tree.
Lots of branches.
Lots of leaves.
Lots of stuff happening above ground.
Now imagine that one of those branches represents a behavior you don’t love.
Maybe you procrastinate.
Maybe you overthink.
Maybe you people-please.
Maybe you keep saying yes when you desperately want to say no.
Maybe you keep repeating a relationship pattern.
Maybe you keep starting something and abandoning it.
So what do we usually do?
We trim the branch.
SNIP.
Problem solved.
Except…
The branch grows back.
So we trim it again.
SNIP.
It grows back.
Again.
SNIP.
And eventually we’re standing there wondering:
“WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!”
Fam.
Maybe we need to look at the roots.
The Branch Is the Behavior. The Root Is the Why.
This is the part I want you to really sit with.
The behavior you’re seeing is often just the thing happening above ground.
The deeper question is:
Why?
Why am I doing this?
Why do I keep responding this way?
Why does this pattern keep showing up?
Why does this behavior feel safer, easier, or more familiar?
Why do I keep choosing something I say I don’t want?
That’s where root-cause work begins.
And no, this isn’t about digging around in your brain looking for something to blame.
Quite the opposite.
It’s about curiosity.
And Then Comes the Four-Year-Old
Here’s where it gets fun.
Because when you ask why, you may get an answer.
And then you ask another question.
And another.
And another.
Until suddenly you sound like a four-year-old:
“Why?”
“Because…”
“But WHY?”
“Because…”
“But WHY?!”
😂
You get it.
The first answer isn’t always the root.
Sometimes it’s just another branch.
For example:
“I procrastinate because I don’t have enough time.”
Okay.
But why does the lack of time create procrastination?
“Because I feel overwhelmed.”
Okay.
Why does the task feel overwhelming?
“Because I’m afraid I won’t do it well.”
Ah.
Now we’re getting somewhere.
Maybe the issue isn’t time management.
Maybe there’s perfectionism involved.
Maybe there’s fear.
Maybe there’s a belief about what it means if you don’t do something perfectly.
And suddenly we’re not trimming the branch anymore.
We’re looking at the roots.
Curiosity Changes the Conversation
This is where I want you to leave judgment out of the room.
Seriously.
You do not need to interrogate yourself like some kind of emotional detective.
You don’t need:
“What is wrong with me?”
Try:
“What is this behavior trying to tell me?”
That question creates space.
And space allows curiosity.
Curiosity allows awareness.
Awareness gives you information.
And information gives you choices.
That doesn’t mean every behavior changes overnight.
It means you finally have something real to work with.
The Goal Isn’t to Blame Yourself
This is important.
Finding the root cause isn’t about deciding:
“I do this because I’m lazy.”
“I do this because I’m broken.”
“I do this because I have no discipline.”
Nope.
That’s judgment dressed up as self-awareness.
Instead, try:
“I wonder why I learned to respond this way.”
“I wonder what this behavior is protecting me from.”
“I wonder what I’m afraid might happen if I change.”
“I wonder what I actually need here.”
Those questions can take you somewhere very different.
And sometimes they lead to a mindset shift.
Sometimes they lead to a behavior shift.
Sometimes they lead to a boundary.
Sometimes they lead to a completely different solution than the one you’ve been trying for the last five years.
Because you were finally solving the right problem.
Give Yourself the Grace and Space
Okay.
Here it is.
My new catchphrase:
Give yourself the grace and space.
Is it corny?
Absolutely.
Is it catchy?
Also, absolutely.
😂
But I mean it.
Give yourself the grace to be human.
Give yourself the space to ask questions.
Give yourself the space to notice patterns without immediately trying to fix them.
Give yourself the space to understand yourself before deciding you need to change yourself.
Because self-awareness isn’t supposed to be another weapon you use against yourself.
It’s supposed to help you come home to yourself.
Try This the Next Time a Pattern Shows Up
The next time you notice a behavior you want to change, pause.
Instead of immediately trying to fix it, ask:
1. What am I doing?
Name the behavior without judgment.
2. What happens right before I do it?
Look for the trigger, environment, thought, feeling, or circumstance.
3. Why do I think I’m doing this?
Let the first answer come.
4. Okay… but why?
Yep.
Four-year-old mode activated. 😂
5. What might this behavior be doing for me?
Is it protecting you?
Helping you avoid something?
Giving you control?
Keeping you comfortable?
Preventing discomfort?
6. What do I actually need?
This is where the conversation can shift.
Because maybe the behavior isn’t the enemy.
Maybe it’s information.
You Don’t Have to Keep Trimming the Same Branch
There is nothing wrong with wanting to change a behavior.
But if you keep changing the behavior and it keeps coming back, that’s information too.
Maybe it’s time to stop asking:
“How do I get rid of this?”
And start asking:
“Why is this here?”
That question can open a completely different door.
And if you’re sitting there thinking:
“Okay, Dawn… I see the branches. I see the roots. I even hear the damn four-year-old asking WHY.
But I have no idea what to do with any of it.”
Friend.
Reach out.
This is kind of what I do.
I help you slow things down, ask better questions, connect the dots, and get curious about what’s happening underneath the behavior.
Not because I have all the answers.
Because I’m human too.
And sometimes having someone sit beside you while you look at the roots makes all the difference.
So, the next time you reach for those pruning shears…
Pause.
Take a breath.
Look down.
There may be something underneath the surface asking to be understood.
And remember:
Give yourself the grace and space.
Because you don’t need to become someone new.
You might just need to understand yourself a little more deeply.
With love, curiosity, and zero judgment,
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