My Story
Forgiveness is a funny thing when it comes to us. It is so much easier to look at a situation with someone else and show forgiveness, but to show the same to self, well that's a whole other ball game.
There's one thing that comes to mind for me when forgiveness was beckoning, and it was not being able to say goodbye to my fiancé and the father of my two children as he died unexpectedly. "I should have been there", "I should have called him", or "I should of said more". All of the should'ves entered the chat. I held myself over the fire for this for way too long. It was out my control.
I am proud to say that I have forgiven myself for this painful experience. That I get to just love myself as I grow with the grief and that feels tremendously better than not.
As you read through this post, notice where you are carrying the burden of not forgiving yourself and why.
The Power of Self-Forgiveness: Why It’s So Hard and How to Heal
Asking for forgiveness is never an easy task. Whether it's asking someone else for forgiveness or offering it to ourselves, the process can be deeply emotional and challenging. However, perhaps the hardest form of forgiveness is the one we offer to ourselves. Why is it so difficult to forgive ourselves for things that we are often quick to forgive others for?
The reasons for this are complex, but let’s dive into a few of them.
Why Is It So Hard to Forgive Ourselves?
Self-forgiveness is often more challenging than forgiving others because it involves deep vulnerability and emotional honesty. Let’s take a look at a few key reasons why this process is so difficult:
1. The Vulnerability Factor
Forgiveness requires vulnerability, and forgiving ourselves can feel like opening up a deep, raw wound. We fear that by forgiving ourselves, we might be accepting or excusing our mistakes, which makes us feel exposed or weak. But vulnerability is a crucial part of healing, and it’s in that space that true growth happens.
2. The Entanglement of Past, Present, and Future
Forgiving ourselves isn’t just about the present moment; it involves untangling feelings from the past and worries about the future. There are often layers of regret, guilt, and fear of repeating the same mistakes that complicate the process. The emotional weight of these entanglements can make it feel impossible to move forward.
3. Facing the Mirror
One of the hardest parts of self-forgiveness is facing our reflection. We have to look at ourselves, acknowledge our imperfections, and accept that we are human. The mirror often reflects not only our actions but the pain we have caused ourselves and others. It’s hard to see ourselves as worthy of forgiveness when we’ve made mistakes, but true healing can only begin when we accept who we are.
4. The Pain
Self-forgiveness often comes hand in hand with confronting pain—sometimes a lot of pain. It might involve reliving moments of regret, loss, or shame. Allowing ourselves to feel that pain, however, is the first step in releasing it. Though it’s painful, it’s necessary for growth and emotional healing.
The Path to Self-Forgiveness: How to Begin
So, how do we begin the journey of self-forgiveness? While the road may be long and challenging, it’s essential for our personal growth and healing. We can’t move forward without addressing the past, and forgiving ourselves allows us to do just that. Here’s how to start:
1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Mistakes
The first step is acknowledging the hurt or mistake you’ve made. It’s okay to say, “I messed up,” without allowing shame to take over. Accepting your imperfections and mistakes is the foundation of self-forgiveness.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain
Don’t try to run from the emotions tied to your actions. It’s important to feel the pain, whether it’s sadness, guilt, or regret. These emotions need to be felt in order to heal. Take the time to sit with your emotions, but don’t let them define you.
3. Practice Compassion for Yourself
Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would extend to a friend. Would you judge them harshly for their mistakes, or would you encourage them to forgive themselves and move forward? Be kind to yourself and allow the healing to begin.
4. Seek Support
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Lean on your support system—whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist. Sometimes we need others to remind us that we are worthy of love and forgiveness.
You Are So Not Alone
If you’re struggling with self-forgiveness, remember that you are not alone. It may feel isolating at times, but it’s during those moments when you need to lean on your support squad—and I’m here for you too. You don’t have to go through this alone, and I’m just a conversation away.
We’re all on this journey together. We all make mistakes, and we all deserve to heal, grow, and forgive ourselves.
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